Stop finding reasons

It has been ages since I last posted. This will be a quick one. And most probably the first post that I write about my personal thoughts and feelings.

People called me kiasu, workaholic, or which ever names that lie between that, though it does not bothers me, the simple truth about me is that, I'm a perfectionist. Blame Sagittarius, blame my personality. I can't change it. And I don't want to. I am a proud Sagittarian.

Being someone who always want things go her way, sometimes, what I achieved, is not something that easy to satisfy my huge appetite. I aimed too high and disappointments are always there.

Not only that I am always disappointed with myself, I found out that I let down those around me as well. Sometimes the guilt is so overwhelming that I wish to turn back time and patch up on things that I could improve on. I really dislike this part of me. I dislike being regretful.

Just like any other teenagers, there are times that I just wish to take a break and be "normal" for a bit. Normal as in, well, let's take things easy and go with the flow. Why push yourself so hard? Life is short. Stop and smell the flowers.

Which I did. And all that I get from being carefree (a little) is just regrets, disappointments and frustrations. I want to make things work again and again, strive for the best. After all, this is the real spirit in me. The perfectionist, the kiasu fella.

Let me advise you, readers. The more you want something to work and go your way, the worse it will become. Just do what you can, you never know when it's already brilliant. Don't think too hard.

Because I think too much, think too hard, tried too much, tried too hard, I expect from myself too much and aimed too high, well, it can be good or otherwise. Don't be a Saggitarian like me. You will only be discontented with life.

Be happy

Yesterday

It was yesterday that I enjoyed myself designing. And now I'm freaked out. I don't want to attend my design presentation! YADA!

What if people laugh at my design? What if my lecturers think that it's ridiculous? I do not want to bring my model to college... It's ridiculously huge... I'm not someone who wants to stand out in college, so bringing something THIS huge is making me really uncomfortable.

I wish I build something smaller... :(